Saturday, March 27, 2010


I am so frustrated, angry, & upset. I was supposed to do a long run today but it looks like I'm not even heading out for a run after all. My left knee is really swollen - I've been running on a swollen knee for the last couple of days since it was all bandaged up so I didn't know it was swollen. Right now I just want to cry - I'm racing in less than a month and I can't even get 3 long runs weekly. There is no way I'm racing well - all of this b/c of some stupid idiot who littered. At the rate I'm going I don't think I'll ever be back to the same level I was or will improve. My body wants to run but I can't - my knee is too swollen to bend properly. Southlake is supposed to be MY RACE - the race for me to shine & become the top but I can't even train for it. I HATE HOW ONE STUPID IDIOT LITTERING HAS LITERALLY RUINED MY LIFE, I HATE YOU.

Friday, March 26, 2010

How do people recognize me when I'm running

I dropped by my coach's office at the end of the school day (weekend!) when one of the guys from my XC team told me he saw me running last week when he was driving. I was really surprised since I'm not remotely close to this guy not to mention I didn't even think he knew my name - the big question is how did he recognize me and know it was me? Do I really run so slow that he can see me clearly and have time to match a face to a name? I mean if he knew where as I live that could mean he's good with association of place and people but as I mentioned, we're not close at all.

He's not the first person to have seen me running and comment but his comment today just reminded me of how many times I get comments like his "I saw you running the other day" - apparently my aunt sees me a couple of times a week (not surprising since Aunt H lives in my complex though on the other end), one of my VPs have seen me many times, I've had many friends tell me that they saw me running (one of my friends' mom saw me running and she has never even met me before). It's crazy of how many people tell me this.

Though I must admit my cousin A has never been able to recognize me - she drives and sees some "crazy asian girl wearing extremely short shorts running" and tells my dad about it - my dad then tells her it was probably me (which it was). She now thinks every asian girl wearing short shorts in my area and running is me (as does her brother).

***going to see Bounty Hunter tomorrow (most likely) since we have a "relatively free" weekend - other than my italian paper and huge bio assignment
***didn't fail math test though I didn't do well

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Failed 3/4

Ah Mon Dieu! C'est fini!

Bio Quest - let's not talk about it, it was bad and the fact my french oral was cut my time short makes it worst

Orale Francais - in the speech part I failed, I stuttered, paused, & repeated myself. I have never done this bad, it went well until I started talking about the controversies surrounding Brigitte Bardot where I forgot how to say sexual harassment in french and from then onwards it went downhill b/c I started to freak out and hyperventilate - you can hear my shaking.

The conversation part went rather well since I was able to ask her questions and there was no delay in my answers but for some reason I wasn't able to remember the word for "answer" so instead of saying, "dans le club de "reach for the top" on doit donner une response à beaucoup des questions" I went the long way and said a bunch of stuff, "l'objectif de le club de "reach for the top" et respondre les questions". I was kind of surprised at how smoothly the conversation went - I didn't need to translate anything from english to french or from french to english; it just flowed.

ToK Presentation: It was extremely cute and Hallarn loved it, line of the day:
Spinoza: You're just jealous the part of God in my body is more beautiful than the part of God in yours

Math Quiz - failed. I missed up singular matrix & non singular matrix and I messed up #3b. arg. not good.

Going to bed early tonight after only 45min last night, bio lab this weekend & must do italian band assignment for class on Sat.

***woke up at 7/8 pm, went for run at 8, came home at 9
so exhausted

***Fun Side Note:
my friend J.L. came home from HK last night, oral today, he was dead sick so he wore a Asian mask to school, did his oral then went home - laughed so hard when I saw him in his mask. Thankfully I went before him so I didn't get his germs from the mic.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Un-Needed Rest is Horrible

Since my knees are missing pieces of skin as well as my elbow and hand I haven't ran since my 50m on Sunday and it's killing me. I don't care but I have to run tomorrow - I was going to try for a run today but it was raining & snowing and I was told not to get any of my wounds wet in case of bacteria/infections - apparently if either one occurs in my left elbow or left knee I'm in big trouble. I wish I could at least do some core work or squats but that requires some excessive bending and that hurts like hell right now.

I need to run so bad, with all the stuff this week I'm so stressed and the only way to unstress is by running. I have a ToK test tomorrow & a bio lab:S. Thursday is going to be even worst, have to get to school by 7:30 to start writing my bio quest since my French oral is at 9:00-9:15 (during 1st) so inorder to have time to finish my quest I have to get to school really early, I have also have the toK presentation, and a math test that day - 4/4 evaluations:S.

I'm so scared for my French oral, my teacher has a really weird accent (cross b/w quebecois & english) so I can't understand her and 2/3 of the oral is a conversation. I really really hope mine doesn't get sent to the IBO. As of this moment I'm not even done writing my scripted part however the stuff I have written is decent enough and I can just say it - I really hope I get a 6 for French (and a 6 for math).

My ToK presentation is going to be awesome, we're doing a Philsopher's AA with Kant, Hume, Descates, Locke, & Spinoza (ME!) where we kind of discuss our beliefs (as our philosopher) and we bring in aspects of their life - it's really quirky and cute. I hope we get a 90 on it :)

Kind of disappointed in myself about the bio test that we got back, I didn't even make the 70 mark - I'm like.5% off - I knew the stuff but I made so many stupid mistakes like switch up Na & K for the protein pump (0/6) - honestly in 2 questions I went from a 80 to a 69% - it sucks. I did really well in multiple choice but my teacher is really strict on SA. Well I'm learning a lot in that class at least - I'm going to try to kick ass on the quest on Thurs - our group got everything right on the first try in the review activity we did in class today:)

***listening to l'invasione degli omini verd - great Italian rock band
***French oral topic = Brigitte Bardot

Sunday, March 21, 2010

I guess I won't be making it to the top @ Southlake

Some stupid idiot threw a huge sheet of cardboard a few weeks ago on Woodbine and I tripped over it today. Thanks a lot, I now have huge pieces of skins missing from my knees, elbow, and hand. I can't stand straight, or walk properly, much less run. I'm going to have to take a few days off from running and wait for it to heal a bit b/c I can't bend my knees and my sport is basically all about bending my knees. Not only that but lifting is out of question as my hand is missing pieces of skin as well as my elbow and I have issues bending it right now. Rowing, cycling & etc are out of question too as I can't bend my knees. I can't run and I can't do anything to cross train in the meantime. What a great time to be injured; the Southlake Half is next month and I need every single long run, tempo run, hill workout, speed workout &etc that I can fit in but now I can't even walk. This idiot better not meet me in person b/c I will take his head off, that is how pissed I am right now. I had a huge chance of becoming the top F15-19 in the half marathon in my province next month but now, if I can even move up a spot I will be terribly happy. I'm just disgusted that someone would leave such a huge piece of cardboard on a sidewalk, how stupid can you be? Honestly, I wish he/she would trip over that piece of cardboard too and sustain injuries worst than mine. Well at least I left a mark on my town - a physical mark, a ton of blood on cement - the vampires should be happy.

I sound so lame and weak, just b/c of scratches (well huge ones) I need to take time of? I ran 18k with something in my hip popped out. I did a season with shin splints. I run in -8C in shorts. The difference is I can't bend my knees or my arm. I'm just so upset, I was counting on the Southlake to bring me good results but now, there's not enough time to train for it properly and to be in the best shape I can be. I was supposed to start hills, speed, and some prelim. steeplechase training this week but that's not going to happen thanks to some idiot. Not only is my road season affected but my track one is too.

***would like to thank the woman and her husband who drove me home and helped me clean my injuries, restored my faith in humanity

Monday, March 15, 2010

Pr'ed surprisingly - 47:55:25

PR'ed! 47:55 - by 3s! should have slowed it down though since I have a long one tomorrow.
I thought my run would be horrible b/c last night my hip felt like it had popped something (left hip this time) but when I woke up today it felt fine so I went out for a run. I thought it was going to be a light run so I grabbed my ipod and went out the door but it was a great run - closed my eyes and just let my legs lead. Ended up with a PR :) but I'm not sure it counts b/c I had to stop to stretch my shoulder - I need to hit the weightroom to strengthen my shoulders, they're cracking a bit again....arg...but I have a long run tomorrow and hopefully it will be great:)

***11k btw.
***amount of bio hw I have shocks me not to mention I have no clue how to do the lab
***:) happy.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

The Other Hip - Reason of the Slump

I think I now know why I've been in the slump for the last 2 weeks (for running), today I actually paid attention to every stride I took and I realized my left hip felt like my right hip in late Oct when I had popped my hip flexor. Looking back I think when I was doing squats I think I felt something pull out of place but I dismissed it b/c it wasn't painful and didn't really bother me but as with most injuries they worsen with time and now, roughly 2 weeks later I'm feeling the full effects (well not full effects b/c if I remember correctly, it's going to be worst). At least I now know what is going on with my running. One of my bones in my left hip feels detached from the rest of my body - going to have to see if I can fit in an appointment with a chiropractor (I feel bad though b/c that's another expense placed on my parents)

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Stuck in a Slump

I never thought I would be stuck in such a slump - I'm stuck in the slump where running isn't curing all my problems like it normally does. In the past 1-2 weeks I'm not enjoying running as much and I can't seem to drag myself out and hit the roads, maybe my body just needs some rest. Idk. But this really depresses me, I no longer feel as great post run, during my runs I'm just not hitting that runner's high anymore. This is the worst time to be in such a slump b/c I have the Southlake Half next month and I have chances of topping the ranking for F15-19 in the half. Maybe the expectations placed on me are just unnerving me, people now expect me to go out there and race well, I'm scared of not meeting these expectations and I think they are what's holding me back. I shouldn't be in this kind of slump considering that I'm at my fastest times yet (I recently PR'ed for a 11k), I need to get the ball moving and get back onto the train. I need to reach my 100% fitness soon and I need to run well. In my heart I want to do well, I want to be the top runner, and I even have a secret desire to make the Olympics (which I know won't happen) but my mind isn't cooperating. Sports are a mental game; 90% mental game & 10% physical, what I need to do is to overcome the doubts and get over my slump so I can make my way to the top - it's easier said then done.

In the past few days I've felt like running is only a vehicle for me to remain healthy and in a decent weight but I don't want that to be the reason why I'm running. I am a runner, meaning I'm supposed to run for love of running - not b/c it serves as a purpose (kind of like how some say art is for art's sake). I need to start getting myself back on track.

I need to get my mind to cooperate, normally I love running in the rain but right now I'm not motivated to hit the roads and head out into the heavy rain. I need to cut the doubts in my mind and get onto the road and just let my body think instead of letting my mind control what my body wants. I need to put logic & reason back into 80% and let spirit & desires have their 20%, I can't let others enter my mind and disturb my focus & goals.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Sometimes I'm Just Ashamed to be Canadian

Generally speaking I love being Canadian but sometimes I'm ashamed to be Canadian - don't get me wrong, I love my country but sometimes the idiots who run it make me want to hide in a hold and ever come out - or in this case, head into Plato's Cave and never come out.

Earlier on, the Canadian PM, Steve Harper, put Parliament into progrogation - he ended the session of Parliament and gave it a long vacation under the premise that the government needed time to time to work on the next phrase of the economic plan. In reality Harper prorogued the government to avoid further inquiries into the allegations of torture of Afghan detainees - in 2007 the Canadian military knowingly aided in the torture of Afghan detainees. Not only did they knowingly aid in such a disgusting act they also lied to Canadians about the participation - they denied knowledge of this occurring and the occurrence of this in the House of Commons. This is absolutely disgusting and just horrible - by doing this the government has just tarnished the its international reputation not to mention it is just inhumane. The government of Canada lied to its citizens without a care, what else are they lying about? I have no faith whatsoever with my government right now and I am just so ashamed of them. This Harper government plays a mean dirty game of politics, they prorogued parliament until after the Olympics so Canadians would forget about their horrendous actions, not to mention Harper was in the right photo -ops during the Olymics to gain support of the Canadians who don't follow politics.

I am also ashamed of how ignorant the majority of Canadians are, post Olympics, Harper was leading in the polls - he hasn't done anything yet he leads. They allowed themselves to be swayed by Harper's photo-ops, do they not remember Harper and his government LIED to them and KNOWINGLY TORTURED Afghan detainees? It is disgusting to me that Canadians let themselves be sheep - people keep saying how Canada is a world player but if my country is a world player we have to start acting with maturity and with grace. My government is disgusting right now and it saddens me to see our international reputation be soiled after the hard work of people such as Romeo Dallaire & Leaster B Pearson & Pierre Trudeau.

People need to remember, being Canadian isn't just about beer, hockey, beaver tails, &etc but it's also about being a peacekeeper (not peacemaker), helping those in need, providing an opportunity to life, and withholding the rights to life.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I really need to get over it

Yeah more ranting about K (the partner who didn't do anything), so today V and I decided we would donante the left over stickers + beads from our project to the hospital b/c they are short on supplies - it's not like we're going to use them anyways. K asked if she could have them, I'm like err you didn't pay me for them and are you really going to make me sort stickers and beads into a 1:2 ratio? I don't have the time to do that not to mention when she asked if she could have them the way she asked was like could she have all of them. I mean it's like 6$ each person, is it really that hard to donate 6$ to make kids with cancer happy? If she was having money issues I wouldn't mind but I doubt she is and really, are you going to make me sort out stickers and beads when I don't even get 5h of sleep each night? She acts of if I'm rich and it's my duty to pay for everything, like I mentioned previously, my parents offered to pay for the food. K didn't thank my parents or show any gratiude - she acted as if it was my responsibility to pay for everything. Actually, at my house in my living, earlier on, when I said the cost of food must be split into 3 she asked "why?" and hinted or actually said that I should pay b/c I covered the section "La norriture d'Acadie" -I'm pretty sure she said I should pay but I can't remember so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and say she only asked "why?" Like are you serious? I'm not an ATM - haha now I know how my dad feels. I really really really need to get over this and move on, it's not healthy or productive for me - the way she treats me and the project itself was so stressful my running was horrible last week; at one pt. last week I felt like running was robotic for me and I no longer enjoy it....

However, now that the project is over and I no longer stress out during my runs I actually PR'ed today:) surprisingly, I felt like I was running slow but my final time for 11k was 47:58:38 - I think my long runs are a faster pace but I think my 11k base route has more hilly parts. I think this PR was due to my attire - I broke out the tshirt today. Ya, that's right, I wore shorts& tshirt (loving TO weather though I'm scared for the polar bears simply of all this global warming - it's not normal for Canada to be 3C in March - early Marc). It was kind of funny b/c I downloaded "I believe" and some stuff by Quebec artist, Marie-Mai and I was just belting out the lyrics and cars were driving slower as if they wanted to know if I was really wearing shorts & tshirt.

I'm so upset with myself, I got my ToK paper back today and I basically failed communication - 7.5/10. My knowledge was 18.5/20 so if you really think about it I got a 92.5% but lost the rest of the marks b/c I can't write properly - this really upsets me b/c I'm a predicted high 5 low 6 for IB HL English....I guess outside of English class I can't write or communicate my thoughts.

-Poni got traded for Caputi & 5th (well Caputi & some guy but that guy got traded for a 5th draft pick)
-Stemp. got traded for a 4th & 7th draft pick
-Joey Mac for 7th draft pick (personally I think he's worth more than a 7th)
will miss Poni the most.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

la presentation francais

J'ai fait ma presentation francais aujourd'hui, j'ai fini! Je suis contente que j'aie presenté!
I have to say while I'm relieved I'm done I'm still so upset b/c I did 70%+ of the work, Vicky did 30%, and the last partner did nothing. As in 0%. Sure, she went out and brought some stuff but I could have done that. She attempted to write a script which consisted of her copy and pasting parts of our brouchure - no additonal research and not written in conversational tone. I had to rewrite the script within 24h and in that time period she kept on emailing me to send it to her - it's not my fault her script sucked so bad I had to rewrite it and why is it that she took 4 days to copy and paste and it's ok but I have to write an entire script in my 3rd language in 24h. My mom did more work than her. I love my mommy; she painted most if not all our poster/murals, made 30something paper boats, helped me make 50+ potatoe-haddock pancakes, a pie, & 25 crepes and b/c K doesn't want to pay for food and apparently thinks I should pay for all my parents offered to pay for the cost of feeding 25 people. Honestly my parents are amazing, not only did they have to let us use my house they had to feed my group (I still can't believe K came to my house that time without eating breakfast or lunch - what am I? a free food centre?). I honestly wanted to kill K today when she told me that she didn't know her lines yet for the puppet show, honestly she didn't do anything the whole project, is it too much to ask to memorize a few lines? She went to bed before 12, I went to bed at 5something in the morning. She didnt have to do anything but I spent the whole night cooking and didn't even get to practice my lines until 3am in the morning.

Anyways, I think our posters turned out quite well, I love my last minute idea of painting M. Homard - the mascot of Le Festival de Homard du Shediac. My sailboat on the poster above the classroom is a fail though, it looks rediculous but the ones my mom painted looked amazing. My christmas in the classroom was also a fair - some forest we had, 2 trees. - I think I'm going to ask Madame for the pictures of the presentation and post a few up.

I hate how I have the inability to be mean, anyone else would have already gone to the teacher and told her about the lack of work done by a partner but I sucked it up and carried onwards. I hate how we could potentially get the same mark even though I did most of the work. I hate this. I also hate how I could have not written her part so nicely, I could have made mistakes on purpose so she would mess up. Personally I don't need a script so I don't know why I was so nice as to write one when I didn't need one for myself - why did I put myself through so much stress and work when it wasn't needed?I need to put my foot down and stop being so nice.

Must go finish ToK presentation & do my math hw....

***so scared, didn't really eat today
-too nervous to eat breakfast
-too nervous + no time to eat lunch
-ate 3 potatoe pancakes + bits of pie crust during presentation
-little pasta w/mushrooms + shrimp when I got up from my much needed 6h nap
-pastry thing